The top 5 country songs of the week, Heinz is introducing a machine that will mix a bunch of condiments together for you, half of us will wait for someone else to clean up a mess, Johnny Depp is taking his comeback seriously, Honey Boo Boo has graduated from high school, Ryan Seacrest might start a cooking show, we announce this week’s “Sylvan Learning Center Teacher of the Week,” the weird reason why Dave needs to always wash new shirts, and Victoria wants Dave to get a spray tan.